To The City of West Hollywood
My welcome to the city letter arrived today, sternly letting me know that here in West Hollywood, we do not set unwanted bulky items on the curb. Being that I’m moving in, not out, I have done no such thing, but I think everyone got this letter as it is addressed Dear Resident.
According to Municipal Codes 9.04.050 and 15.35.060, one can be fined $250 for having any mess in front of their house that could be described as “offensive, unsightly, unsafe, or hazardous.” (Time to call the Department of Redundancy Department). Nevertheless, I am glad I got the memo, letting everyone know that if they decide to jettison a chair, they can just put it in the neighbor’s yard and let them pay the $250.
But wait, we don’t have to do that either, because — the letter goes on to inform us — if we need something picked up, just call Athens Services. Here is where it gets a little linguistically amusing. Athens is Greek, yes? Well, they enclosed a little refrigerator magnet shaped like a sofa and printed with some information and phone numbers. Like everything in California, it was in English and in one other language. But no, not Spanish. Russian.
So I’m looking at Athens, the Greek-named Russian-speaking trash service, and wondering why Russian? Is West Hollywood teaming with Russians? I haven’t met any of them yet, although there is an Armenian gentleman on the other side of the Cuban lady next to me. But if I were to suggest that Armenians are “close enough” to Russians for my purposes, he’d undoubtedly bristle like a Canadian who’s just been mistaken for an American. Hm. I’ll just have to keep a sharp eye out. Obviously, the Russians are coming!
