Languages in LA

Due to my long hunt for my new apartment, I am now so emotionally scarred that I lash out at the very mention of the word “trendy.”

What on earth do people mean when they say trendy? I mean, seriously? Is this like upscale which means everything from middle-aged and stodgy to not-quite-paid-for?

You would not B.E.L.I.E.V.E. the apartments I have seen referred to as trendy. Apparently, the adjective trendy can be applied to any of apartment that meets the following criteria:

Vertical blinds

Has a bar

Bars on windows have curly-ques on them

Asymmetrical roof

Designed by cartoonist fired from The Jetsons back in 1967

Any manifestation of the colors pink, orange, or turquoise

Retro

Shag carpet

Mirrored surfaces

Located in an area mostly frequented by gays. - Now look. I am not hating on gays. But just because you guys live nearby doesn’t make it automatically cool, okay? I’m sorry! But there you have it! One dog don’t make it a kennel, dig?

Near organic healthfood store. - Now look. I am not hating on vegetarians. But just because you guys live nearby…

Trendy is quickly becoming the zany of video-rental criteria. That is to say, if I am browsing through the video store and I pick up a video and read the back, the minute I see words like wacky, zany… I put it down. Those are code words for “juvenile.” Now I apply the same guidelines to the apartment rental quest. Trendy=hideous. Okay. Got it.

I’m cleaving toward words like quaint and quiet now. I mean, how can you go wrong with those? Oh, I know. We’ll find out.