A brand new world
Since I live right behind the Scientology Celebrity Center in Hollywood (where the Mothership will dock), I sometimes meet young recruits armed with clipboards. Apparently, one of the initial requirements is to pester the local citizenry to submit to an audit.
An audit consists of asking the same question about 40 times (literally) to see if you will crack. If you crack, I suspect it’s meant to prove to the recruit that those who have not been cleansed of… whatever… or have low tolerance for weird, repetitive tasks. Thus one day, when I was out walking my cat, I was approached by a diffident but determined young thetanist who wanted to audit me.
I was on my third gin & tonic, so I said “Sure.”
She asked me to close my eyes (I did, and nearly lost my balance). Then she said to open my eyes and find “a brand new world.” Humoring her, I looked around, pointed at an apartment across the street, and said, “I’ve never seen in that window before. That’s a brand new world in there.”
She said carefully, “Thank you. Now I ask you to close your eyes again. Thank you. Now open them up and find a brand… new… world.” This went on for about 20 minutes. I looked around and noticed a bird’s nest in a street sign. A leaf blowing into a gutter. An ant colony circling a rose bush. On and on and on. I am positive she was waiting for me to crack. I was too drunk to crack, so finally she thanked me and went away.
Now I’m left wondering… did Katie Holmes have to go through that? Surely I’d have noticed Katie Holmes wandering around with a clipboard in my neighborhood.
Hmm.
Depends on how many gin & tonics I’d had.
