Nicknames
Florence King, the curmudgeonly writer for National Review, once commented that in her youth, Episcopalians were nicknamed Piscops. I have heard that Irish Catholics and Protestants refer to each other, not very affectionately, as Papists and Proddies. And if you are Jewish, of course, you’ve heard it all. The latest demonizing label is Zionist.
It is evident that religious groups often garner nicknames, particularly those groups we have to endure on a daily basis.
So WHY is there no nickname (that I’ve heard) for Scientologists? If ever there was a group just aching for a nickname, by L.Ron it’s them. I live right next to their Mecca: the Celebrity Center in Hollywood. I see them every day. In my building, we gather at the windows like cats and watch them sprint around the block in their various uniforms: white shirts, black bottoms for dress, blue for heavier labor.
Scientologists are not low profile in Hollywood, particularly during their yearly shindig, wherein they hammer, trundle, and construct for weeks before they decimate the parking situation to have their big, loud hoedown. By the time it’s over, the whole neighborhood is foaming at the mouth. So why do we have no nicknames for them?
Perhaps it’s because they’re pretty nice one on one, from what I’ve seen. They never try to recruit us neighbors (possibly able to tell at a glance that we’re broke.) They keep their grounds looking excellent, so the neighborhood stays fairly pretty. And Kenny, the security guard, has helped me look for many a missing cat. He’s nice. I like Kenny. I’ll miss him when the Mother Ship comes to take him away. Meanwhile, however, I’ll be working on a nickname for them. Cruisers? Thetanists? Ooo, I like Thetanists. It sounds like Satanist with a lisp. Perfect.
